I’m a 46 year old diabetic and I’ve been single most of my life. I’ve recently moved in with my partner and we’re planning to get married. I like a sex life, but he wants to make love daily, sometimes twice a day and I often don’t feel like it. I’ve tried to talk to him but it doesn’t get me very far. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I don’t want to spoil our relationship.
What’s the reason you want to talk to him? When you say you don’t “get very far”, it makes us wonder what’s happening in your conversations. Sometimes when we’re anxious, we either skirt around the issue so that the other person has no idea we’re trying to discuss something with them or, we approach it in the wrong way. Do you think this could be happening?
Again, what’s the reason you want to talk to him? Is it a lack of interest in sex or sexual difficulties. Is it increased depression about your weight and diabetic condition or is it reduced energy?
Symptoms of a low sex drive are lack of interest in sex, aversion to sex or lack of joy in the sexual act. These may occur due to many factors such as – stress [physical or psychological], mental or emotional attitude, chronic pain, high blood pressure, spinal cord injury, lubrication or depression.
Sometimes, unbalanced hormones can make you a stranger in your own skin. Do you experience hot flashes, weight gain, night sweats, mood swings, vaginal dryness or low libido?
So the reason you want to talk to him we expect, it’s to ensure a good and intimate relationship. If you hold this in mind when you’re talking to him, your message will be seen as positive and not hurtful or negative.
When we’re having a difficult conversation, it’s important to lay out why we want to chat. We do this for two reasons: firstly, so the other person is aware of the agenda and can focus on the discussion and what they want to say and secondly, so we can state our positive intentions upfront. This helps the other person to settle into the conversation and be less defensive.
Once you’ve set the scene, ask him how he’s feeling about your sex life and let him speak. Only then, share what it is that you need. Keep referring back to the desired outcome so he knows you want to improve things for both of you; we’re not saying this will be an easy conversation as it’s a sensitive one and people can become easily hurt. So be prepared for it to be a bit uncomfortable and hold your nerve until you’ve worked out a solution together – a healthy sexual relationship is one of life’s expectations and pleasures.
When things go wrong, whether or not we have diabetes, many of us find it hard to accept there might be a problem which has to be treated. This is not something you face alone because there is a great deal of support available.
E284 – We Need to Discuss Our Sex Life and Diabetes – www.diabetic.today